Thinking about--or wrestling with--the concept of community. An admittedly overused word, I know. I feel like it's been tossed around so flippantly, i.e. hashtagged into oblivion, that we can't taste the true meaning anymore.
But don't we all hunger for it just the same?
A while back, I posed a question about doing some live videos on Instagram. I asked if anyone would join me? I received message after message saying, "I'll be there! I'd love to connect with you in that way!" I felt this stirring deep down, like perhaps this was the starting of something?
My body is tired.
On Saturday, I couldn't stop crying. Sobs heaved through my body like ocean waves. I felt like I was drowning for hours. Salt water soaking my skin, limbs flailing out like branches against a stark white sky. The reason (at least we believe) is thanks to a tiny pill I took after hours of pregnancy nausea the night before. We've discovered that my body reacts in a highly toxic way to certain medications. It's awful to feel like you're not in control of your body, your mind. It's terrifying to feel that alone.
For what feels like months now, Behr hasn't been sleeping well. He wakes often in the night and so early in the morning that it's still black as pitch outside. As my bulging, third trimester body carries him from the crib to the couch he always tells me that he wants the sun to come up. Me too, buddy. Me too. This kind of exhaustion seeps past my skin and burst the hollows of my bones with it's weight.
Like, I said. I am tired.
I don't share these things to complain (honestly) but because I want to speak about the hard things. I want to say there's certain species of hope that springs from being buried in dark soil.
I keep feeling this tension. The strain between suffering and the beauty born from it. Can you feel it to? How we can sometimes find ourselves wading into waters we never really planned on. And how lonely it can feel out here in the surging wild? Maybe there's a way to fight our way back to one another. Maybe there's away for us to create glowing, pulsing havens in the dark where we can hold each other safely.
I want to carve out that space. Perhaps on Instagram, maybe in a newsletter, maybe in more live chats. I'm really hoping to discover what ways I can better reach out and show that it matters to me; this fostering community. I'm not saying social media interaction can heal all wounds but, maybe it can be a tiny flicker, a spark that burns fire in your chest to do more, love more.
So with that in mind, here are two things I want you to know about:
I'm doing an Instagram Live this Thursday (April 6th) and you're invited! Would morning or evening work better for you? I understand that we all have lives and children and jobs but if you could just sit for maybe a few minutes with me, what time works best? Topics being briefly touched on:
- Things I do to keep me sane throughout the day.
- My tips on how to be a creative and a mama.
- A fun giveaway of random, lovely items that I personally think anyone would love to have show up in their mailbox (like freshly roasted coffee or the new book from Coffee + Crumbs, for instance).
And lastly, click HERE to listen to a playlist that I've lovingly curated to shower some hope over you tonight. I'll be listening and breathing deeply with you, friend.
As always, I'm so glad you're here.