I slept in today.
As with most adult activities—even leisurely ones—it took a concentrated effort of communication and planning to make that happen.
Jonathan got up with the kids when they woke up at 7am. He left me hiding under our quilt and shushed the kids as they not-so-quietly shuffled out of our bedroom. Later he, silently brought me hot coffee in a thermos and placed on the floor on my side of the bed for me to drink when I woke up.
All of this was planned and talked about ahead of time. Don’t let anyone fool you, romance is made up of communication, follow-through and consistency.
I woke up at 9am and automatically flipped through my apps to check Instagram.
It wasn’t there.
Oh, that’s right. I deleted it off my phone last night.
I’ve done this multiple times over the years. Every time I put it off longer than I should. Every time I feel immediately lighter once it’s gone.
I just want to write like I used to. Back when I only bought college lined notebooks and wrote whatever my brain needed to bleed black onto the page. I don’t want to think about an audience or a marketing strategy or what business mentors have suggested I do. I’m too tired.
They tell you to take your passions and turn them into paying work but they forget to mention you risk mangling what you love into a machine you can’t turn off if you do that.
The machine got too loud this year, so I turned it off.
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Billie Eilish released her sophomore album 2 days ago and I can’t stop listening to the track: ‘Getting Older’.
“Can't shake the feeling that I'm just bad at healing”
I got diagnosed with PMDD back in March. I’ve also lived through two rounds of post partum depression. Am I just bad at getting better?
Every month, I get drug through a gamut of symptoms including (but not limited to) severe fatigue, depression, insomnia and anxiety. It usually last around two week altogether. This month, I’m meeting with a doctor to discuss more specialized treatment.
“But next week, I hope I'm somewhere laughin'
For anybody asking, I promise I'll be fine”
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It’s weird to write a new blog post and not promote it on Instagram. And it’s weird that that’s weird, ya know?
I don’t even know if anyone will ever read this but me.
I’m ok with that.
(and that counts for something in my book)