At the beginning of August, I had plans.
I decided I would delete Instagram for the whole month. 90% of my work and research is funneled through that funny little app, which means it take up a lot of my day to be active on there.
This isn’t necessarily a good or bad thing, it’s just a thing; a fact. And one I needed to reevaluate. I don’t like all my eggs being in the basket of an app I don’t own or have control over.
I figured all the extra time I’d have off Instagram would afford me more mental and emotional energy to pour into long-form writing. Namely, this personal blog and my email list.
Narrator: she did not have more mental and emotional energy for anything.
I was trying to use August as month to rest my way. I thought I could rest and still be productive. I thought I could take a break from constant writing, while still writing every day. I thought I could take a needed step back from hustle and still making progress by the world’s definitions.
But now, I’m sitting here sipping on the last of August days with September knocking at the door and realizing I wasn’t able to do any of that.
I didn’t write any emails. In fact, I barely wrote at all. I didn’t touch or even look at my planners one time. I’m entering September with less creative work prepared than when I started this month.
Instead, I went to therapy every week. I had a long conversation with my doctor about the significant changes I have to my to my lifestyle to combat the effects of PMDD. I got a new haircut paid for by one of my sisters with an appointment that another sister gave up for me. I witnessed God answer a year long prayer request in such a specific way that my mind is still reeling from it. I finished reading Black Beauty with my kids and introduced them to the 1995 movie adaption of it. I ran away for two nights with just my husband to a tiny house in Asheville, NC for our 10 year anniversary.
I rested.
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I decided to take the month of August off for many reasons. Mainly because our family has spent the last 8 months wrestling through one stressful circumstance after another. As a result, our mental/emotional/spiritual/physical capacity was basically at zero.
What I’m grappling with now is just how extensively Jonathan and I needed to rest in order to gain our footing and keep our family moving forward.
If I don’t look at August 2021 through the lens of Scriptural truth, it’s easy to see this past month as a flop. I didn’t accomplish anything visible. No back log of completed written projects. No neatly lined published blog posts and sent emails. No check marks in my planners.
But when I shift my perspective to God’s truth, I see where this month has taught me lessonsI don’t want to forget. I learned to accept help; to use my weaknesses as fuel to run to God, to rest in His timing and not my ability to work hard.
I learned for a follower of God, plans are meant to be held loosely.
Lord help me to keep my hands open, receiving Your grace.