The sun’s last blaze of light is turning our house into a living ember. I’ve got my camera in hand, stoking the heat to life with my lens. Observing, clicking, adjusting. I want to remember what it was like when we were all young and lived in this warmth together. I’m choosing to truly see.
I’m about to lead my family into a busy season.
In April, I’m teaching a brand new workshop for free while simultaneously opening up enrollment to Shadows & Stars for the first time in 2021. It’s such a privilege to get to do this work but, it’s undeniably a lot of work. Mental work. Computer work. Social media work.
There’s also the reality that I’m homeschooling a 1st grader, raising a three year old and the primary cog in keeping the house running while running a business by myself.
If I’m not careful, I allow my intense circumstances to be in the drivers seat (i.e., my attitude). I won’t say it out loud but I’ll think: “If things weren’t so crazy, if there wasn’t so much being asked of me—I wouldn’t be so snappy with the kids and angry at my husband.”
Last week, I picked up The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp—a book I’ve had for years but never finished. Her words bloomed off the page in fragrant truth:
“Busy is a choice. Stress is a choice. Giving yourself to joy is a choice. Choose well.” - Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way
I get to choose.
By God’s grace, I can decide how I let this upcoming season affect my heart’s attitude. I’m not at the mercy of “busyness”. I'm under the mercy of God.
I will not be able to do everything. But everything God asks of me will also have the grace I need to see it accomplished. Anything falling outside of what God asks of me will simply need to be let go.
I watch the light as it braids tendrils of stardust into her hair and feel a release.
Photography is (mostly) about paying attention to light. Where it’s coming from, where it lands. If you don’t know how to observe light, your photography will suffer for it.
Life is (mostly) about paying attention to God—the Source of my soul’s light. If I don’t choose to observe—hunt for—Him in life, my days will suffer for it.
What am I paying attention to?
Jonathan is doing school at 5pm with Behr. Both my boys are sprawled out on the couch. Jonathan looks up with a rainbow prism caressing his face—The promise-artifact of God resting on the one who promised himself to me nearly a decade ago. Glory.
I’ve got tasks to tackle and emails to write. There are social media posts to plan and schedules to nail down. My to-do list have to-do lists. Big Projects don’t happen with out Big Planning. But if I’m not vigilant, I can plan Joy right out of my days.
The sun speckles across our smooshed together faces. The house is amber glass. She laughs without fear. May a spark of her always be this free, this unafraid to revel in joy. Her name means ‘light’.
A free mini-work shop. A new six-week round of live classes and coaching. Another Spring spent equipping women to thrive in both motherhood and artistry. I want to steward this time well. I want to tenaciously go after my work both in and outside the home. I want to lead the charge of claiming victory and take indulgent naps afterwards. I want to play well and work well. I want to choose well.
The sun is now tracing the hem of the horizon in golden swaths—getting ready to stitch the sky shut. A few unruly beams bounce off my plants and splash in through the dirty kitchen window.
The coming weeks will get busy, no doubt. But I don’t have to swallow down stress with it. I can choose to show up every day as best I can and let God’s grace fill in the gaps. It’s contrary to what the world would say, but the success of my business isn’t entirely up to me. I don’t have to carry that weight. I just have to ask God where I need to show up and then, watch Him work.
I ask Jonathan to grab my hand for a picture. I want to capture what it feels like to constantly be reaching for each other is a swirl of sleepless nights, snack orders and tiny hearts that needs us so much. I don’t want to forget that—somehow—we always found each other.
What if intense circumstances aren’t forcing me into stress but giving me an opportunity to choose God’s peace in the storm of them? What if I entered into whatever 2021 keeps asking of me and believed there was already enough grace available for me to navigate it?
Later, he gives me a kiss right before the sun makes her trek to waken the Southern Hemisphere. Suddenly, I’m kindling—snapping alive at the feel of his skin against mine, the warmth of being fully known and still loved.
The fistfuls of holy God tucks into each moment—I’m choosing to fully see them and meet with God wherever He wants to meet with me.